Liar, liar

Here are some lies I found on Daves Daily. You may want to see some more.

Noah actually took 3 of each animal on to his ark, the male, female and grumale. Sadly all the grumales became very seasick and died, leaving us with just the 2 sexes we know today.
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The air used in the cabins of modern jets is 10% helium to aid the lift of these behemoths.
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Over 60% of the human brain is devoted to finding shapes in clouds.
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All men with moustaches are left handed.

Relationships. etc.

Some people just cant get over it.

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TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iran is to create a $1.3 billion (728 million pounds) "love fund" to encourage poor young people to marry, the country's vice president said on Tuesday.
Iranian youngsters often complain they cannot afford to get married because of Iran's economic woes and are living with their parents longer than ever before.

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BERLIN (Reuters) - A German court has ruled that Mercedes must release a man from a car lease deal after a dispute over whether he was too heavy to drive the luxury vehicle, Bild newspaper reported on Tuesday.
Mercedes refused to release the insurance salesman from a lease agreement on his S-320 CDI model, arguing the multiple car breakdowns caused by his weight were insufficient grounds to break the deal.

Miscella-news

Cindy Sheehan said she'll leave Crawford next week to protest in Washington D.C. She's become quite the celebrity. Three weeks ago she was standing alone on the Texas prairie and today she's the most famous woman in America who's not missing.
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An unusual business in Swansea, Wales: Rent-A-Hamster. That's right, a British pet store will rent you a hamster -- so you can try it out before you make a full-time hamster commitment. Your rental hamster comes complete with a cage and a wheel. There's a mileage charge on the wheel.
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Police in Aruba have re-arrested two brothers in connection with the disappearance of Natalee Holloway. Experts say Aruba's constant charging and recharging of the suspects probably won't yield any new evidence in this case, but it will keep O.J. Simpson and Robert Blake from ever coming to the island.

Food Anomalies Site

Recently saw this site that features food and toy abberations. Check it out.

Satan in my cereal bowl? You never know what you might find in your bowl of Honey Combs®. Beware.


M-I-C-K-E-STRAWBERRY-M-O-U-S-E! It's Mickey-Strawberry. OK, Disney, unleash your torrent of lawsuits...
go to site

Hurricane Katrina Approaches Gulf Coast

Hurricane Katrina is approaching New Orleans. New Orleans is about 12 feet below sea level and has always lived under a death sentence of a nightmare scenario which may very well unfold in the next 12-18 hours. Basically, if Katrina’s storm surge causes Lake Ponchartrain to flood the levees surrounding the city, New Orleans will be under 30 feet of water. full story

IPOD Girl too poor to buy IPOD

I'M THE IPOD GIRL (..but I'm too poor to buy an iPod)

THE dancer whose silhouette has helped sell millions of iPods admitted yesterday: "I can't afford to buy one."

Mandy Coulton, 26, was paid less than £1,000 to pose for Apple's hugely successful ad campaign.

But the Los Angeles-based model said she's too poor to buy one of the mini digital music players. full story

Extravagant but worthless gifts help a guy get the girl

If men thought they were frittering away money wining and dining a girl to win her hand, they should think again.
Dr Peter Sozou and Professor Robert Seymour from University College London (UCL) have developed a mathematical model that shows how expensive but worthless gifts may help facilitate courtship. Reporting in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society of London B they analysed the function of a courtship gift and what the characteristics of a 'good' gift are.
They show that gifts can act as a signal of a man's intention. Offering an expensive gift may signal a long-term commitment but the man must be wary of being exploited by a gold-digger who intends to dump him once she gets the gift. full article

Definitions Galore

Broad-mindedness, n:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.

Brogan's Constant:
People tend to congregate in the back of the church and the front of the bus.

Brontosaurus Principle:
Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connellan

Brooke's Law:
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

Bubble Memory, n.:
A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's intelligence.
See also "vacuum tube".

bug, n:
A son of a glitch.

Grammar Rules for the Enlightened

Don't use no double negatives. Don't never use no triple negatives.

No sentence fragments

Corollary: Complete sentences: important.

Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.

Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!

Don't use question marks inappropriately?

Don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.

Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.

Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.

Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.

Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.

Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations.

This sentence no verb. full article

Do You Like Dumb Blonde Jokes?

A joke from The Spoof.
Three girls robbed a bank. One was a blonde, one was a redhead, and the other was a brunette.
They were walking idly down the street, talking about how many sandwiches they'd be able to buy next time they went to Arby's, when they heard sirens. Fearing that they would get arrested, they ran into a nearby thrift store, which, gratefully, was empty.
As the cop cars parked outside, the girls realized that they were going to have to make themselves scarce. The redhead hid herself beneath a table with a long, flowing tablecloth. The brunette placed herself in an ancient wardrobe. The blonde hid in a potato bag. By the time the policeman entered, the shop appeared to be empty once more.
"I know you're in here," he called, cautiously making his way through the shop. He knelt before the table and began to lift the tablecloth. But as he did so, a soft 'meow' reached his ears. "Oh," he breathed. "Just a cat."
He proceeded to the the wardrobe. But just as he began to open it's creaking door, he heard a quiet 'woof'. "Oh," he whispered. "Just a dog."
Finally, he went to check the potato bag. But just as he started to open it, the blonde said, "Potato."

Osama's Coded Letter to Bush

Another joke from The Spoof.
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George W a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H.

Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA And the Secret Service.

Eventually they asked Britain's MI6 for help. They cabled the White House: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down.

Running Out of Names?

Of the millions of names one can think of, I dont know what is it with these guys.

Antibiotics From Crocodile Blood?

SYDNEY -- Scientists in Australia's tropical north are collecting blood from crocodiles in the hope of developing a powerful antibiotic for humans, after tests showed that the reptile's immune system kills the HIV virus.

The crocodile's immune system is much more powerful than that of humans, preventing life-threatening infections after savage territorial fights which often leave the animals with gaping wounds and missing limbs. full story

Fired AOL software engineer sentenced for selling client list

NEW YORK - A former America Online software engineer was sentenced yesterday to a year and three months in prison for stealing 92 million screen names and e-mail addresses and selling them to spammers who sent out up to 7 billion unsolicited e-mail messages.

"I know I've done something very wrong," a soft-spoken and teary Jason Smathers told U.S. District Judge Alvin Hellerstein. full story

Ferrari steering wheel costs $25,000

Boing Boing reports:
Look at all the pretty knobs, buttons, and lights on this Ferrari Formula 1 steering wheel. It looks like a high-end crib toy. My 2-year-old daughter would love one.

New Template (again)

I had to find another template because when i applied for AdSense, Google would not approve my application. They said my blog is disqualified because I was using a Google template - which I simply got from Blogspot (http://blogger-templates.blogspot.com). I found it strange that they even published that template in the first place. Sorry for the hassle.

Comedy August 16

Elvis died on this day in 1977. Then he died again when Lisa Marie married Michael.
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Elvis Presley died 28 years ago today. If Elvis were still alive, he would be 70 now - around the waist.
He'd probably be doing commercials for Ultra Slim-Fast.
And on late-night TV, he'd be selling his genuine Elvis Bellybouncer -- and patented blue suede hair.
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Elvis has been reported alive so many times, he's the first rock singer to become a living legend after he died.
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Elvis died in 1977 on Madonna's 17th birthday, but she had nothing to do with it.
Even though she was seen later wearing a teddy made from one of his jumpsuits.
Elvis, himself, told The Globe that was just a coincidence.
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The U.S. and Canada signed the first international migratory bird treaty on this day in 1916. This treaty was really for the birds. Under the agreement, birds can cross the U.S.-Canadian border anytime they want to without going through customs -- as long as they promise not to sell anything in Canada.
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Bernard MacFadden was born on this day in 1868. MacFadden published True Stories and True Romances magazines and was one of history's greatest physical fitness nuts. He made a parachute jump on his 84th birthday. He did die at age 87, but in perfect health.

Urine Power

Gasoline prices in our country have soared to preposterous heights. This piece of news I found gives us hope - it means pee fuel is just around the corner, right?:

Researchers in Singapore have developed a paper battery that is powered by urine. Despite sounding gloriously silly, the breakthrough promises a cheap and disposable power source for home health tests for things like diabetes.

The battery is composed of paper, soaked in copper chloride, sandwiched between layers of magnesium and copper. The whole thing, once laminated in plastic, is just a millimetre thick, and 6cm by 3cm in size.

The researchers report that with just 0.2 millilitres of urine the battery will provide around 1.5 volts, with a maximum power output of 1.5 milli-Watts. The performance varies according to the geometry of the battery, and the materials used.
full story...

Gallstones

Last week I was diagnosed with gall bladder stones. I could not describe what I felt when the doctor said I possibly have gallstones and needed to have an ultrasound of my abdomen. Sure enough I have multiple stones! The doctor said I need an operation right away! I looked it up in the internet and found operation is not the only treatment. Am posting it now so you guys become aware of gallstones. Do you know many people have gallstones and dont know it? Each year more than 500,000 Americans have gallbladder surgery.
What are gallstones?
Gallstones form when liquid stored in the gallbladder hardens into pieces of stone-like material. The liquid, called bile, is used to help the body digest fats. Gallstones can block the normal flow of bile if they lodge in any of the ducts that carry bile from the liver to the small intestine. If any of these ducts remain blocked for a significant period of time, severe-possibly fatal-damage or infections affecting the gallbladder, liver, or pancreas can occur. Warning signs of a serious problem are fever, jaundice, and persistent pain.
What causes gallstones?
Scientists believe cholesterol stones form when bile contains too much cholesterol, too much bilirubin, or not enough bile salts, or when the gallbladder does not empty as it should for some other reason.
Other factors that contribute to gallstones have been identified:
1. Obesity - overweight people are more at risk
2. Estrogen - estrogen from pregnancy or drugs increase cholesterol levels
3. Ethnicity - native and Mexican Americans are more prone
4. Gender - women more prone
5. Diabetes - more risk for diabetics
6. Rapid weight loss - weight loss causes liver to produce more cholesterol
7. Fasting - fasting decreases gall bladder movement so stones can form
Note: Many people with gallstones have no symptoms. These patients are said to be asymptomatic, and these stones are called "silent stones." They do not interfere with gallbladder, liver, or pancreas function, and do not need treatment.
Treatment
1. Surgery - laparoscopic cholecystectomy
2. Oral dissolution therapy - Drugs made from bile acid are used to dissolve the stones. for more info...

Dog / Towel, etc.

Saw this image on Computerpranks.com

AUGUST 12

Today is The Glorious Twelfth, the beginning of the 4-month grouse hunting season in the Highlands of Scotland.
Today is Put Peanuts in Your Coke Day. Don’t shake it up.

Today is Thank You Day, a good day to say thank you or send someone a thank you note.

Today is PC Day, marking IBM's introduction of the personal computer on August 12, 1981.

Today is National Toasted Almond Bar Day.

Today is National Middle Child's Day.

Today is Vinyl Record Day.

Today is International Youth Day, sponsored by the United Nations.

Kool-Aid Days begin today in the town where Kool-Aid was born, Hastings, Nebraska.

Prevent Alzheimer's

Maybe it was inevitable that scientists would find that almost every late-life condition is linked to how we live our lives for decades before. But they are surprised at how the link between heart health and Alzheimer's disease has emerged.
Neuropsychiatrists at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine say it appears that reducing your risk of heart attack or stroke also helps to keep oxygen-rich and nutrient-rich blood pumping into your brain.
Brain cells can then stay healthy and keep areas of the brain from withering. Withering causes symptoms of Alzheimer's disease such as memory loss, disorientation, and erratic behavior. more...

Fingerhead

WHOA! How'd he do that?

Cats Get Humans' Attention Through Certain Type Of "Meow."
A study was done that claimed that cats have learned the art of meowing. There is a certain type of meow that can attract humans to take the cat in. Even though cats do not have a specific language, they have learned to sound pleasant when meowing. Nicholas Nicastro, a graduate student who is working under a psychology professor, says that the cats that sound angry are seen to be too demanding and the ones that are pleasant to the ear are more likely to be picked by people that go to an animal shelter to adopt a cat.

Man Punches Parrot to Death
A German man has been fined $925 for punching and killing his parrot for screeching uncontrollably. "I'd had a row with my girlfriend and she left me. Charlie wouldn't stop screeching. So I punched him. I'm so sorry. He was a good friend," the defendant, 41, told a court. Police had been called to his home when neighbors mistook the parrot's screeching for human screams.

Man Gets Money For Toiletless Train
A German man received $270 compensation for the torture he endured for not being able to relieve himself for two hours. The Frankfurt court made the German Railways pay the man $270 for not providing the man an adequate toilet. The man walked for two hours throughout the packed train looking for a place to go to the bathroom. The toilets had all been locked because there was not water avaiable for flushing the toilets. "The plaintiff had to torture himself with his urgent need for two hours because he could not find a free toilet," said the court. The man finally got to use the one bathroom that was in working condition which was kept locked. The man got access by another passenger having to pressure the ticket inspector.

A Modern Fable

The Troubled Aardvark

Once upon a time, there was an aardvark whose only pleasure in life was
driving from his suburban bungalow to his job at a large brokerage house in his brand new 4x4. He hated his manipulative boss, his conniving and unethical co-workers, his greedy wife, and his snivelling, spoiled children. One day, the aardvark reflected on the meaning of his life and his career and on the unchecked, catastrophic decline of his nation, its pathetic excuse for leadership, and the complete ineffectiveness of any personal effort he could make to change the status quo. Overcome by a wave of utter depression and self-doubt, he decided to take the only course of action that would bring him greater comfort and happiness: he drove to the mall and bought imported consumer electronics goods.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Invest in foreign consumer electronics manufacturers.
-- Tom Annau

On August 2...

1938: In a game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the St. Louis Cardinals, the first yellow baseball was tested. Johnny Mize was the only major leaguer ever to hit a yellow home run.
1943: PT-109, commanded by Lt. John F. Kennedy, sank after being rammed by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri off the Solomon Islands. The future president was credited with saving members of the crew; he was awarded the Navy and Marine Corps Medal for heroism, and the Purple Heart for his injuries.
1945: Norma Jean Dougherty filled out an application for the Blue Book Modeling Agency. Later, she would change her name to Marilyn Monroe.
1963: Eric Clapton quit The Roosters to form Casey Jones and the Engineers.
1984: Charles Schultz' comic strip "Peanuts" was added to the Portsmouth Daily Times, making it the first comic strip to appear in 2,000 newspapers.
1987: Eurythmics guitarist Dave Stewart and Bananarama’s Siobhan Fahey were married in Paris.
1997: "Frasier" star Kelsey Grammer tied the knot for the third time, this time, to model Camille Donatacci at a private ceremony in Malibu, California.
1998: A woman called San Francisco Animal Control to complain that an iguana was "staring at" her cat. The "iguana" turned out to be a 4-foot crocodile named Ernest, who escaped while his owner was moving. Though he reported Ernest missing, the owner kept moving because it’s illegal to own a crocodile in San Francisco.

USB Finger

Blogs I've read recently have really cool images. Nana (above) says: Quero um "caneta" nova!! Modelito moderno, claro!!! Sorry we don't understand Portuguese. Weird Events has strange images.

Cat Sniper

Cat Sniper
Originally uploaded by edgargarcia.

Dinos Among Us

A combo picture of a fossilised 190-million-year-old unhatched dinosaur embryo (L) and an artist's impression (R), provided by South Africa's Wits University in Johannesburg and University of Toronto at Mississauga in Canada, July 29, 2005. Unhatched dinosaur eggs dating back 190 million years carried fully developed embryos. more...