WORDS, WORDS, WORDS

Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Ambiguity:
Telling the truth when you don't mean to.

Anoint, v.:
To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.

Appendix:
A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.

Automobile, n.:
A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.

Bachelor:
A man who chases women and never Mrs. one.

Backward conditioning:
Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.

Bagbiter:
1. n.; Equipment or program that fails, usually intermittently. 2.adj.: Failing hardware or software. "This bagbiting system won't let me getout of spacewar." Usage: verges on obscenity. Grammatically separable; onemay speak of "biting the bag". Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS,BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS, CHOMPER, CHOMPING.

Phobias
Ballistophobia: Fear of bullets;
Otophobia: Fear of opening one's eyes.
Peccatophobia: Fear of sinning.
Taphephobia: Fear of being buried alive.
Sitophobia: Fear of food.
Trichophobbia: Fear of hair.
Vestiphobia: Fear of clothing.

Banectomy, n.:
The removal of bruises on a banana.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.