Typoglycemia

Don't delete this because it looks weird. Believe it or not you can read it ......

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid! Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are. The olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia.

Massachewsetts Unabridged Dictionary

alta, v: To change; make or become different; modify.

ansa, v: A spoken or written reply, as to a question.

baa, n: A place people meet to have a few drinks.

Baaston, n: The capital of Massachusetts.

baaba, n: One whose business is to cut or trim hair or beards.

beea, n: An alcoholic beverage brewed from malt and hops, often found in baas.

caaa, n: An automobile.

centa, n: A point around which something revolves; axis. (Or someone involved with the Knicks.)

chouda, n: A thick seafood soup, often in a milk base.

dada, n: Information, esp. information organized for analysis or computation.

SILLY RHYMES 2

I sat next to the duchess at tea
and it was as I feared it would be
her rumblings abdominal
were truly phenomenal
and everyone thought it was me
-------
I was drinking a pop in the zoo
when I saw a fat cow go poo
I spat the pop out
onto the ground
making the cow go moo
-------
There once was a man from Peru
who dreamed of eating his shoe
he awoke with a fright
in the middle of the night
and found out that his dream had come true
-------
The class is sick and getting worse.
We all should go to see the nurse.
We're sure we should go home today.
It could be fatal if we stay.
We're nauseated, nearly ill.
We have a fever and a chill.
We have a cold. We have the flu.
We're turning green. We're turning blue.
We have the sweats. We have the shakes.
We're coming down with bellyaches.
Our knees are weak, our vision's blurred,
our throats are sore, our voices slurred.
And did we mention this to you?
We all have migraine headaches too.
We're strewn with head lice, ticks and mites.
We're covered in mosquito bites.
We have a cough, a creak, a croak,
A reddish rash from poison oak,
A feeble head, a weakened heart.
We may just faint or fall apart.
We sprained our ankles, stubbed our toes,
and soon we'll start to decompose.
And one more thing we have today
that makes us have to go away
that's just as bad as all the rest,
we also have a science test.

FACTS

Abdul Kassam Ismael, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. Four hundred camels carried the 117,000 volumes.

About two hundred years before the birth of Christ, the Druids used mistletoe to celebrate that winter was approaching.

After the U.S Civil War, about 33%-50% of all U.S. paper currency in circulation was counterfeit.

Among the Buganda people of Uganda, the widows of a deceased king have the honour of drinking beer in which the dead king's entrails have been cleaned.

Arabic numerals were not invented by Arabs, but were invented in India by the Hindus.

Before 1883, the three-cent U.S. stamp was also used for advertising. The advertisment was located on the back of the stamp for various products.

Celtic warriors sometimes fought their battles naked, their bodies dyed blue from head to toe.

During the 1600's, boys and girls in England wore dresses until they were about seven years old.

During the 16th century, newly married couples in France had to stand naked outdoors while the groom kissed the bride's left foot and big toe as part of traditional customs.

TOO DUMB TO BE CRIMINALS

Idiot#1
A Florida man, who robbed two men at gunpoint in their homes, dropped his wallet as he left and then called police to ask if they found the wallet. They said they did. They asked him to come down and claim it. He did.

Idiot#2
A Kansas City man, who robbed two Independence, Missouri, banks in quick succession, used a getaway car rented in his real name. Hoping to detach himself from the getaway car and the thefts, he called police to report the car. They told him to come down and file a report. He did.

Idiot#3
Wanting to shoplift from a pet shop a boa constrictor and a milk snake, which were both 3 ½ feet long, a Florida man stuck the boa in his shirt and the milk snake down his pants. "It was hilarious," said the clerk. "He kept saying he wasn't taking anything, but those snakes were just moving around and one was under his shirt, and he was doing all kinds of strange things and trying to keep it in there."

PREFERENCE FOR BODY ODORS

Body odor may send specific signals to potential mates

Your nose may play a big role in selecting a mate according to a new study conducted by researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center. They found that your preference for another person's body odor is influenced by the gender and sexual orientation of that person as well as your own gender and sexual orientation.

"Our findings support the contention that gender preference has a biological component that is reflected in both the production of different body odors and in the perception of and response to body odors," says study author Charles Wysocki The study, to be published in the September issue of Psychological Science, was co-authored by Yolanda Martins. full story...

THE PATHOLOGY OF LOVE

The unpalatable truth is that falling in love is, in some ways, indistinguishable from a severe pathology. Behavior changes are reminiscent of psychosis and, biochemically speaking, passionate love closely imitates substance abuse. Appearing in the BBC series Body Hits on December 4, Dr. John Marsden, the head of the British National Addiction Center, said that love is addictive, akin to cocaine and speed. Sex is a "booby trap", intended to bind the partners long enough to bond.

The initial drive - lust - is brought on by surges of sex hormones, such as testosterone and estrogen. These induce an indiscriminate scramble for physical gratification. Attraction transpires once a more-or-less appropriate object is found (with the right body language and speed and tone of voice) and is tied to a panoply of sleep and eating disorders. full story...

WORDS, WORDS, WORDS

Alone, adj.:
In bad company.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Ambiguity:
Telling the truth when you don't mean to.

Anoint, v.:
To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.

Appendix:
A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.

Automobile, n.:
A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.

Bachelor:
A man who chases women and never Mrs. one.

Backward conditioning:
Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.

Bagbiter:
1. n.; Equipment or program that fails, usually intermittently. 2.adj.: Failing hardware or software. "This bagbiting system won't let me getout of spacewar." Usage: verges on obscenity. Grammatically separable; onemay speak of "biting the bag". Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS,BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS, CHOMPER, CHOMPING.

Phobias
Ballistophobia: Fear of bullets;
Otophobia: Fear of opening one's eyes.
Peccatophobia: Fear of sinning.
Taphephobia: Fear of being buried alive.
Sitophobia: Fear of food.
Trichophobbia: Fear of hair.
Vestiphobia: Fear of clothing.

Banectomy, n.:
The removal of bruises on a banana.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Barach's Rule:
An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.

SKYSCRAPER BREAK

TOILET TRAINING

THEY'RE LIKE WHAT????

The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas. (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
-------
I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don't speak German. Anyway, it's a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don't know the name for those either. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
-------
His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat. (Jeffrey Carl, Richmond)
-------
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
-------
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
------
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
------
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
------
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith,Woodbridge)
------
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
------
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to accessT:flw.quid>55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quid>aaakk/ch@ung by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
------
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having leftCleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

CRYSTAL BALL

SILLY RHYMES

There once was a man
his name was Sudan
he lived in Afganistan
he saw Bin Laden and ran
he hid inside the can
I'm his major fan
so is my nan an my dog Tan
the poor, poor man!
----
There once was a boy named Lou
who had trouble tying his shoe
He wanted some high-tops
but bought him some flip-flops
and still had no clue what to do!
----
There once was an artist named Saint
Who swallowed some samples of paint
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint
----
The once was a boy named Reece
He ate and ate until he was obese
He had a big belly
and stuffed it with jelly
and all he wanted for his tummy was peace

my egnslih tcheear tuhgat me how to sepll

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :)-Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt !.!.!
-thanks to aquariandog

HI ALL

Got something crazy for u today.

NASA RESEARCH ANNOUNCES DISCOVERY OF A NEW ELEMENT
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by GMResearch physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 asistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic number of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction that it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons,vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations and universities and can usually be found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any detectable level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.
-from Tina's Humor Archives

STRANGE NEWS

Certain Words Makes Man Snap
Thomas Mitchell was found guilty for aggravated assault in the shooting of his girlfriend. He shot her because he thought she was going to say the word "New Jersey." His lawyer said certain words caused Mitchell to snap such as "Wisconsin," "New Jersey," "Snickers," and "Mars." Mitchell who is 54, covered his ears in court when these words were about to be said. The witnesses had to use flashcards instead. Mitchell was said to be troubled but not crazy. On March 19, 1999 Mitchell was convicted to shooting his girlfriend three times because he thought she was going to say "New Jersey." His girlfriend however survived the attack and died from other causes before the trial had begun.

Woman Stranded On Floor For Nine Days
A woman has been rescued by police after being trapped inside of a room for nine days. She was left stranded after her husband was taken to the hospital for an emergency surgery. Ampara Prado, 64, who is a diabetic, spent nine days lying on the floor bedside her bed. She had no food or water or the treatment she was given regularly. After her husband left for the hospital, Prado fell off the bed and on to the floor. After the surgery her husband had, he was unconscious for several days. When awaken, he inquired to a social worker about his wife, and only after repeated inquiries did the social worker contact the police. "She was conscious, but did not call out," said Sgt. Greg Staats. Both husband and wife are now making a great recovery.

Cambodian Court Frees Cannibals
Two men who were on trial for eating human body parts, washed down with a bottle of wine, were released because there was no law against cannibalism, a Cambodian court ruled. Both men who worked in a crematorium were arrested for eating the fingers and toes of a body that was to be cremated. Villagers had tipped off police for fear that if there were no more bodies to cremate, the two men might kill their children to eat.

Bin Laden Costumes Now Available In Israel
Shops in Israel are now selling Osama bin Laden masks for the traditional costume holiday Purim. The holiday is when perceived enemies of the Jewish people are held up for ridicule.

Man Punches Parrot to Death
A German man has been fined $925 for punching and killing his parrot for screeching uncontrollably. "I'd had a row with my girlfriend and she left me. Charlie wouldn't stop screeching. So I punched him. I'm so sorry. He was a good friend," the defendant, 41, told a court. Police had been called to his home when neighbors mistook the parrot's screeching for human screams.

Woman Lives In Car For 26 Years
A London woman, Ann Naysmith, lived in her car for 26 years. The woman, who was a former music teacher, decided to reside in her car after she had been evicted from her flat in London. She has been living in her Ford Consul since 1976. Her car was however removed by the local council as it was said it could be a possible health hazard. The neighbours, who became used to the 60 year old lady, decided to buy her a red Mercedes in replacement of the Ford Consul." "It seemed a straightforward and sensible solutions," said the owner of the Mercedes, Sian Lines. The owner of the Mercedes also added that it was sensible since the lady had threatened to set herself on fire in protest.

China Wins 2004 Toilet Summit
First the 2008 Summer Olympics and now the 2004 World Toilet Summit. Does it get any better then that? Beijing spent over $4.8 million between 1987 and 2000 turning 200 toilets at scenic spots from cess pools to star-rated loos. .

CRAZY DEFINITIONS

667:
The neighbor of the beast.

Abbott's Admonitions:
(1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
(2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
-- Charles Abbot, dean, University of Virginia

Absent, adj.:
Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.

Accuracy, n.:
The vice of being right

Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood.

Law of the Jungle:
He who hesitates is lunch.

Lawyer's Rule:
When the law is against you, argue the facts.
When the facts are against you, argue the law.
When both are against you, call the other lawyer names.

Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.

Linus' Law:
There is no heavier burden than a great potential.

lisp, v.:
To call a spade a thpade.

Lowery's Law:
If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.

Lunatic Asylum, n.:
The place where optimism most flourishes.

Magnet, n.:
Something acted upon by magnetism.
Magnetism, n.:
Something acting upon a magnet.
The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of
one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with
a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

THE ETHNICITY OF JESUS

Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus. Recently, biblical scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence:

Evidence Jesus Was Mexican
His first name was Jesus.
He was bilingual.
He was always being harassed by the authorities.

Evidence Jesus Was Black
He called everybody "brother."
He liked gospel.
He couldn't get a fair trial.

Evidence Jesus Was Jewish
He went into his father's business.
He lived at home until he was 33.
He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Evidence Jesus Was Italian
He talked with his hands.
He had wine with every meal.
He used olive oil.

Evidence Jesus Was A Californian
He never cut his hair.
He walked around barefoot.
He started a new religion.

Evidence Jesus Was Irish
He never got married.
He was always telling stories.
He loved green pastures.

Evidence Jesus Was A Woman
He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.